Well, I had my thesis meeting, he didn't have time to read my stuff, no problem, so we talked a little further about what we thought the perverse will was. Technically he's not sure I have a thesis statement, and I'm not sure yet, either.

Surprisingly, I don't think that's very devestating.

Sadly, I knew there was something I was missing that I hadn't prepared for this meeting, and then I remembered that's what it was. Sigh.

However, I do think I have an argument, but it's not done yet. It's entirely possible that I will know what I'm arguing once I'm finished arguing it. Considering that we changed my topic halfway through, I can't really argue what was interesting to argue before. Now I'm still looking for what is interesting...the difference is that I'm trying to be meticulous as possible. Well. More meticulous than I was earlier. He's still concerned that I'm not focused enough, but I'm not sure yet. I think it's pretty good for me, since I'm big picture by nature, the higher focus is pretty crazy for me. I feel less attacked now when we have meetings, but I think that's because I actually have something to say, and it's not all crap. He says the writing is much better, even pleasant to read, so that's a start. Maybe if I 'focus' then that will mean 'you pass,' and maybe if I surprise him, that will mean 'high grade, over a 15' which is what I need. Want. Whatever. I'm at the stage where I just say keep going, don't care about the rest.

What was funny was when he said, "You know, Brennan, I'm just concerned about how put together this all is. I'm worried we might get to the end and you have a series of essays on Augustine, not a thesis." I laughed to myself in a very ha-ha-yeah-that's-a-realistic-possibility-kinda-way.

On the other hand, it's so hard to understand Augustine. It's not easy, especially when you think you understand, and then you read something else, and then you don't understand again. Some thinkers really don't change their minds that often, so you open anywhere in the work, and you see what you want to see. With Augustine, you look at page one, and you look at the last page, and you wonder whether they're the same authour, not even if they're the same book. Because most of his stuff was never written in a chunk of time, but over 10 years or so. So yeah, basically everything he says is never the same opinion as when he started. So, he writes like me. Eh heh. It's like trying to hear one voice among about five-million. It's not easy. I know that other students struggle with this as well, but I have to be really careful, because if I say "God" is theology, and my promoter doesn't like that, and if I say, "Roman and Stoic and Neoplatonism" it's history of philosophy, and if I say "context" it's something like pseudo-psychology, and whenever I write "desire" now all I think about is Lacan.

I know my mind is rolling around like a bunch of stuff, and I know he's concerned about too much law, and not enough will, but what I think is interesting about Augustine is that he uses the will to follow a law, and there is a weight to love, and this makes desire moral, instead of unintelligible.

Huh. That sounds like a thesis.